Define SUCCESS!

(Isn't he beautiful...for a gorilla? Keep reading and you'll understand)
As always, the love life is fizzled and flat. But right now, that is fine by me. It is only when a relationship goes bad that I am truly bothered by this. I used to define my success not by how much I received in this world, but by what I can provide for myself and my daughter. I know that sounds close, but it isn't. I don't want to have riches so great I have no clue what to do with the remaining $5 million of the day. I want to provide a roof over our heads and say " I did that!" I also defined my success by finding someone to love me. I think I do still have that as a symbol of success, but I am re-prioritizing. When I am old and I look back on my life, will I think myself successful? Right now, I don't know that I would. I have done many things in my young life which I believe have molded me. Made me a success? NO.
I am currently looking at houses. Hoping to purchase one by the time fall flies in. I have rented before. How sad that my daughter can't paint a room the color she wants. I want that for her. Will it be success? Are the things we look at as definition of success for ourselves truly successful once we achieve them? I think the things I once thought made me successful are no longer looked at that way because I wanted everyone else to look at me and see it as I did. I have hopes and dreams still. As old as I may get, I do have dreams for myself that have yet to be fulfilled. Will that moment define me, or will I define it?
My realistic hopes are to have a house for me and Takyra and to fix it up the way we like. I hope to have a salon of my own one day. These are so close, I can taste them.
My dream that would melt my heart in an instant. I want to touch a gorilla. To some this sounds...odd. To Tarisa and Takyra, it doesn't. A few years ago, while in OKC, we went to the zoo. My family went into the gorilla exhibit and the rest of the visitors seemed to vanish. I sat by the window of a room which held one gorilla. I "flirted" with the gorilla, looking it's direction and then looking away when he looked my way. After awhile of doing this, I had been called over to see the silverback in the other room. I walked away from the first, and he did not like that at all. He ran up and banged on the glass. The whole family was startled and I went back to my position by the window. The flirting started up again. Just to see what the response would be, I walked away again. He banged on the window once more. I went back and he came up to the window where I was sitting and put his hand up to the glass. To my dad it was just an animal that didn't know any better. To my mom and sister it was a sweet moment that got an "Awwwww" from both. To me, it was breathtaking. The only negative was that a glass was between us. I do believe I had the ability to bond with that beautiful creature.
I look at my definition of success in this world and it is logical for everyday living. Sometimes it seems a little far from my grasp, but I know it gets closer and closer everyday. Will those successes be as sweet as that moment the gorilla saw me? I doubt it. I am learning a great deal about myself by listening to my deepest feelings. Would I give up a dream home to touch a gorilla? YES, and Takyra would completely understand it. The thing about what matters most to us is that when it really matters, everyone around you understands it. Maybe that is true success.