Trials and Triumph

How many times have I cried over the things that God hasn't given me? Too many. I have had several days where I have asked God, "Why am I not worthy of receiving good things in life?" We all have our days of down. Then I am emailed an update on Jennifer Mahoney. I am in awe of the faith and strength the family has in the middle of what most people would consider the end of the world for them. They are inspiring.
Yesterday, I was cutting a little girls hair and I noticed she had a bruise on her cheek and she was broken out in a rash. Turns out she has major eczema. While talking to her mom I found out the girl has major issues with asthma too. Her last asthma attack had her coughing so hard she broke the blood vessels in her cheek, that explains the bruise. Her rash is from her allergy to the sun. If she is in the sun for very long her skin turns bright red with bumps all over it and she itches like mad. She had been scratching her arm and I lifted the haircutting cape to find her arm was bright red. She had just walked from the car to the salon and this had happened. To top it off, mom then shares with me that she is 6 weeks pregnant. I congratulated her, but she then informed me that she isn't sure she will be able to keep it as she has had many miscarriages. Her response to the whole situation involving the miscarried babies and that of her daughter with her medical problems. "God has reasons for it all and I just have to trust He knows what he is doing." I have told people that before. " God has a reason for it." But to hear it from someone else who has so much going on, it's a slap of wake-up. I pray God does give her this baby. I am honored that a fellow Christian is able to use her tragedy and turn it into triumph by praising God through it all.
So, when I hear these stories, I look back at my whining and realize how selfish I can be. Does it mean that my prayers are insignificant compared to these? NO. It just means I need to take a step back and realize life could be so much worse, but even if it is worse, God has His reasons and is worthy of praise through it all.

Been Awhile

Well, it's been a little while since I updated. There's not much going on around here. Just living everyday and trying to figure out how I am going to pay for Takyra's birthday and Christmas. After it's all over with I'll realize it wasn't so hard to save up for. There are bargains everywhere if we just look.
I had it easy on one birthday. My boyfriend, Corwin, aka CoCo, didn't want anything. So I got him a card. Sweet, simple, and it said Happy Birthday! Whatever works right? He's been in a mood lately. I guess two months of hard training for a bodybuilding competition can do that to someone. Talk about willpower. This man has stuck strictly to his diet of pure protein and few carbs for the past couple of months. No sugar, no fat, nothing bad. I can't do that for a week. But I got to wish him a Happy Birthday and Good Luck for his competition. It will all be over with this time next week. This competition decides if he goes pro or retires. Hopefully the first of the two.
I am getting ready for our trip to OKC Thanksgiving week. It will be nice to see everyone. I'm looking forward to G-ma's homemade buns. My G-ma C has the best buns in the world. I am hoping the cousins aren't getting so old we can't have at least one night of delirious, hysterical board games. Long ago, our parents would play board games late into the evening. The cousins all took it up a notch. We play well into the night. Say 1-2am. You know those times when you've stayed up so late that everything seems funny to you? Even looking at the person across from you cracks you up. Ours is worse. We look at the game cards and see words that aren't really there. If pictionary is involved, we resort to crude drawings. Should a certain male cousin dare to join us at the table he is easily embarrassed at the mention of anything that has to do with the female body. Amazing he even has a child. Of course, we don't dare tone it down for him. It is just pure fun. As one cousin recently stated, "Laughing is good for your liver." After a night of games we all have the best livers in the world. I can't wait.
One week to go, but whose counting?

May the Force Meow!!

I have realized I have put everything about me, myself, and my daughter on this blog, but I've excluded a few family members. Our newest members are the Skywalkers. Anakin and Amidala (okay in the movie her first name is Padme) are our kittens of teenage mentality. Anakin, who is actually the runt of the litter, is now very muscular. He is the independent explorer. He checks everything out and okays the trouble he and Amidala are about to get into. Amidala on the other hand, is my little love bug. Yes, I call her all kinds of cutesy names. She loves to greet me on the bathroom cabinet. I can barely brush my teeth without her butting in for my attention and affection. She nuzzles me as if to say "Pet me NOW!!" Anakin sees all this affection for Amidala and then he decides that maybe he's not so independent that he can't jump on my lap and receive a good scratch behind the ear.
Boomer, our retriever mix, had no clue what to do with the tiny, bite sized creatures that entered our house in July. He learned that they weren't edible, by the famliy standards. Amidala still doesn't trust him. She thinks that a man of his size and nature must be out to get her. I am learning I should take after her a little. She exercises caution around such men, and knows to stand back. If he approaches, she stands her ground and let's him know he can "talk to the paw." Anakin took a couple of introductions to Boomer before he realized Boomer's tail is an awesome cat toy, and the dog attached isn't so bad either. Boomer usually lays on the ground when the cats are in the room so that he isn't so scary to them. Anakin pushes all the buttons by playing with Boomer's tail and paws. Before long Boomer is up and trying to figure out how to play with such a small animal. About all he has learned to do with Anakin is just jump back and have that playful expression while wagging his tail. There is still the confusion as to how he can actually play with Anakin so he just push his wet nose into Anakin's side and pushes him around a bit. Anakin loves this and takes it as cue to latch onto Boomers face. Amidala, clings to me and watches her brother with fascination,never daring to try it herself.
So there you have it. I have officially included the whole family in my blog.

There's No Place Like Home

Well, it happened again. I stumbled across a house listing that was dirt cheap. This time it was a great deal. I met my realtor at lunch yesterday and we checked out the house that I managed to find through the tears I was shedding during my last post to this blog. So I was bawling, feeling sorry for myself, when suddenly the light of the screen shone about me and there it was in all it's beauty. The angels sang, the heavens opened, and I stopped thinking about me. Well, no I didn't. I just thought of a happy me in my possible new house.
It was a little beat up, but nothing a few repairs (or Andrew Dan Jumbo) couldn't take care of. I walked out of the house, looked at my realtor and said, "Let's do it!"
Only one huge problem. Someone already put an offer on the house. Two more problems after that. There were two back-up offers.
What to do now. Now we get serious about buying a house. Now we sit down and find out exactly where I want to live and we watch and wait for the good deals to come up. Then we jump on them!!! Takyra deserves her own room to decorate and put her toys in. She wakes up in the morning and hits her head on the ceiling because the basement ceiling panels are so low. She has to do the military crawl in and out of bed. If I find something before Christmas, I am hoping to get her room all fixed up for her as a present.
So, hopefully in the near future there is an entry telling you all about our new home!!

A Time for Change

There is a time for everything. Now is time for change. Maybe it's the PMS speaking. Maybe it's my frustration with where I am in life. Maybe it's my frustration with the people in my life. I don't know what it is. What I do know is that it is time to change some of the things about myself, since who I have been for the past almost 31 years has not been good enough. I look at who I have always been...an honest, loyal person who gives whole heartedly. There have never been any secrets to my life. I've always been told, "You'll make someone a good wife someday." Gee thanks, do I get a certificate for that?
I see a lot of me in my daughter and that scares me. I don't want her to question who she has always been. I want people to accept her and long to be around her.
Lately, I have analyzed my personality from every angle and I realize I am made up of all the negative characteristics of my parents. Throw in some creativity and you have me. Yes, I live with my parents which seems to feed those characteristics even more.
So now I have to change. If it weren't for my parents' love for my daughter and vice versa, or Takyra's love of her gym, I'd pack up and move to another country in a heartbeat. Start over fresh, while changing who I am. But I am not that cruel. I can't take her that far from them. Even so, I have to get out and away.
I'm scared. Scared that trying to change myself, might make me lose myself altogether. Scared that by toughening up, I might eventually build a barrier too high to be broken. Scared that once I do change I find out someone actually appreciated the old me. HA!
Today, I realized I am not memorable. I am not good enough to be remembered. I am okay for the moment that someone decides they might like my company, but then I'm forgotten. As dedicated as I am to anyone and everyone who enters my life, somehow it isn't enough. Funny, all the people I have ever loved, could never tell me they ever loved me until after we were torn apart. I was under the impression that when you love someone, they can tell by your actions and it is never questioned. I don't think anyone has ever had to question me. As for all of them, the question still remains.