Halloween

Happy Halloween!!! I went to Takyra's school and helped out with the Halloween party this afternoon. A lot of fun, but I started losing my voice again due to calling out the bingo names. Yes names. They did Halloween Bingo. They made dirt pudding with gummy worms. Unfortunately the other moms and the teacher have no clue about Takyra's sensitivity to seeing gross things. Luckily I realized just in time and looked at Takyra to see her watching the boy across from her eating the concoction. She started gagging so I ran and got her and kept her from looking at anyone with the pudding mix. After everyone finished their treats Takyra was able to join the party again.
We ran home and got ready for Takyra's gymnastics class. We were under the impression she was testing up today. Well, she tested, but she won't get her certificate for a few weeks. That's okay by us. We have a spot reserved on the wall for it though. Even so, I couldn't help but laugh at her. She was so goofy a few times and it's as though everything she has worked so hard to learn has suddenly leaked out of her brain. Then she would get it and did a great job.
Takyra decided that next year she wants to be an evil spirit gymnast. Since tonight was Halloween, we decided to go ahead and make her an evil spirit gymnast and then she just looked beat up in the BDU's after. She ended up telling everyone at gymnastics that she fell off the beam a few too many times.
When we got home, we changed her into the BDU costume. We went out Trick-or-Treating and decided to go a little further than usual in the neighborhood. Around the corner from our house, is a house that has been decorated for awhile. It was kind of creepy. I talked Takyra into going up to the door before we even approached the house. As we got closer, I noticed a new decoration. A creepy masked man leaning up against the garage. I shined the flashlight in his eyes and he didn't move, but I told Takyra to go to the next house because that thing was real. I was spooked. We kept looking at him but he didn't move. Once we were close to the next house he finally moved and tried to give her candy. She was about to bawl. I had to get the candy for her. I warned everyone with small kids about the house, but it was a lot of fun standing across the street watching the teens go over. He stayed on her mind and once we went around to a darker street, she was ready to head home. She is scared to go anywhere in the house alone now. I see a night with a little girl in my bed.
Happy Halloween!

Understanding

Takyra and I finally had an understanding. I have gotten so tired of her mouthing off and thinking she is invincible. This happens most right after she's been around her friends outside of school. They get to having fun and acting however 7-almost 8-year-olds act. Next thing I know, she is getting a smart mouth.
She also has this little ADD thing going on. I will tell her to do something and she is easily sidetracked and totally forgets what she was supposed to do. I have to give her one thing to do at a time. I even sat there this morning watching her get dressed and once she got to the shoes, she was looking around her room and picking things up that had nothing to do with getting dressed. She still had the shoe in her hand. I had to tell her over and over to finish getting dressed.
So we have come to an agreement. She is going to try to listen to me more. We also have agreed to try to be better friends and stop talking mean to each other. It's gone well so far. we are changing our tone with each other and it seems to make the days start a little brighter.
Last night, Takyra came to me and said she needed my help. " Mom, can you teach me how to act more like a lady?" HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA! Oh did I say HA? I repeated the question to Mema and she agreed my daughter was asking the wrong person for that. So with the help of Mema we talked about the simple things of acting like a lady. First on the list, quit chasing boys!! Let them chase you! Wow, more advice that works for mommy too. She wasn't too thrilled about that one and she admitted she chases boys all the time. We gave her a few more pointers that I am sure she will forget by, well, now. Takyra does not want to be a Tomboy. I have assured her there is nothing wrong with being a Tomboy so long as you know when to act like a lady.
Yes, I still have my Phillips 66 gasoline truck. I wore Oklahoma Sooner shirts that were for boys. I even had the short haircut and was called a boy when I would go door to door to sell candy bars for school fundraisers. There's nothing wrong with having a little Tomboy in every girl. I can change my car's oil and filter. I can design and build things out of wood. I don't mind getting dirty. BUT, I also love to dress up once in awhile, just as I will in two weeks for "Phantom of the Opera." I like to sew, paint, and cook/bake. There is nothing wrong with a woman who can do all these things. Hopefully my daughter learns to embrace everything about herself.
So, we are going through the adjustments of treating others the way one wants to be treated, and learning how to act the way a girl should, but still maintaining the characteristics that will make her a strong independent woman....many years from now.
She's still my baby, going on 8!

Exhale

What a year! I mean a literal 12 months. One year ago, I thought I had met "THE ONE!" In May, he demolished me. How does one handle being hurt by a man she thought would be there forever? I guess I never really handled it. I kept seeing him every week at gymnastics. Every Monday night throughout Tuesday morning I would be depressed. Every week I got a reminder of who it was I fell for. The man who coaches his team on the gym floor is totally different from the man outside the gym. All his energy is used at the gym and everything else became leftovers. So, when I go to the gym I see that enthusiasm. I see the spark and the motivation and it is very intriguing. I got to the point I didn't want to be depressed anymore. I have prayed long and hard many times about the situation, but I knew my prayers couldn't be answered if I continued to face what caused my frustration on a weekly basis.
I stopped watching Takyra's gymnastics. I would drop her off and leave. 6 weeks I have stayed away from the gym. Away from the man who I could not look at without feeling all the stress of what happened. It is hard to explain the actual feelings I had, but I was tired of them and I had to get away. I felt that I needed a break so that I could focus my energy on more useful things and thoughts. However, he continues to stay on my mind. As much as I would like for amnesia to set in when it comes to this man, he always works his way into my thoughts.
Last week, Takyra had a private gymnastics lesson and I showed up for a little while to watch her. I had turned to look out the window, because Mema was waiting for me in her car. When I turned I saw that Ennis was there and he waved. I acted as though I had not seen him and just looked past him out the window. The next evening at gymnastics, I attempted to make eye contact due to feeling guilty about ignoring him the day before. No go, so I watched my daughter's gymnastics class for the first time in 6 weeks. I ignored everyone else and tuned in on her. I was not depressed or upset that night or the next day. Time does heal all wounds...or most. So I got over the stress of being in the same room as him. He still fills my thoughts.
Thursday morning, Takyra and I had a little argument about getting ready for school. As usual, our small arguments always turn into something about her dad. She was bawling and saying she misses him and that's why she is so sad and her feelings were hurt. I told her not to bring him up when the argument had nothing to do with him. " Mom, sometimes I feel like you don't love my dad." Darn skippy I don't. I explained that it was not meant for us to be together and I did not have to love him. What was important is that he loves her. The conversation was long and I feel my daughter is getting old enough to understand that he has not been here for her...EVER.
After I dropped her off at school it broke my heart. Realization that it seems that my love is not good enough for anyone on this earth. Sometimes not even for my daughter, who longs to have her own father love her in a way he never will.
I did the only thing I could do, I called my sister, who I knew would not be judgemental. During my conversation with her I said something I thought was good debate for the situation with Takyra, but in saying it out loud it was a big hit at myself. Realization that my daughter is just like me.
Regardless of how bad these men have been to us, or how little they have loved us, we are willing to overlook all these things just to have them be a part of our lives. I don't want my daughter to grow up loving without being loved in return. I don't want her waiting for someone who will not make her wait worthwhile.
When are we worthy of someone's love here on earth? God said that it is not right that man should be alone. I am praying that the reward erases all memory of loneliness. I can't say that I am worth the best, but as for my daughter, she is so deserving of a father who would love her unconditionally. I know that is not her biological father that will do that.
I faced my "fears." Today I went with Takyra to her private gymnastics lesson. I stayed and watched. After it was over, I went to Ennis, I wished him a Happy Halloween and asked how he was doing. He smiled and seemed happy I was talking to him. Funny thing is, I have no voice after my allergies have taken most of it from me. I don't know if he was smiling because I talked to him or if he was laughing at my munchkin voice. After our short conversation I walked out to the car and was content.
Yes, it still hurts. Today was good though. I am moving forward. Every week will remind me, and yes I dread the day I find out he plans to wed. My biggest fear ever is that I am easily forgotten. For now, I feel stronger than I was 6 weeks ago. God hears my prayers. I am learning that some answers are a working progress day by day.

Baptists Dancing?!

Yes! It is true, my daughter, a baptist, is dancing, and I love it. I was looking at the pictures I took of Takyra's Halloween party at school and I loved the innocence captured. That music was echoing in the gym and these kids couldn't help but dance.
I remember growing up not even knowing how to dance. When the kids at school talked about the upcoming school dances, I was already embarrassed I didn't get to go at all, but even more so that even if I did go I would have no clue what to do. As an adult, who has been dancing, I am so self conscious, and I worry what others think of my dancing. Would that be different had I been dancing my whole life and been allowed to do so in front of friends?
So I look at my daughter. She feels a beat and her hips start swaying and her head is bopping. "You go girl!" It has nothing to do with impressing anyone. She is out there just feeling the music go through her body. She is dancing oldies moves that are adorable and yet she doesn't care or even know that they are "out of date." Yes, she did the mashed potato, the swim, the backstroke, and she held her nose and wiggled down to the ground. Most of all, she had a blast doing them all. I watched her and I wondered how that must feel. Absolute freedom! Just living that moment and allowing herself innocent joy of dance.
I love my God. I love to see my daughter enjoy herself in a way that is not degrading or disrespectful of God. In the Bible they danced before God and rejoiced! I pray my daughter continues to dance for joy.
Put in a little tune and let your feet move from the ground. Be a kid again. Have no cares, no worries, just happiness through the beat.

The Gymnast

I don't want to jinx my daughter, but I do want to brag on her a little. Okay, maybe it's not all bragging because she still has some things that need a lot of work. My little gymnast had a private lesson yesterday. She was going in to work on her technique. That means pointing her toes and looking somewhat graceful while doing gymnastics. She came out of it doing things she'd neevr done before. Things that even if I told you what they were, you'd have no clue what they are. The things you would know...she did a back handspring on the floor. YEA! AND she did a hand stand on the balance beam. So, what does a mom do that thinks her daughter accomplished a ton in one lesson? Buys her a new leotard! that would be it in the picture. She tests on Halloween night. That means she does some of her skills to see if she is ready to move up to the next level. She has told me it is her dream to be a gymnast. She wants to be at the gym all the time, but for now she goes once a week for class and lately she's done a couple of private lessons. That doesn't stop her from trying to practice at home all the time. I have to stop her!! Maybe I'll have a little competitor next fall. I'll need a new shirt, "Gymnastics Mom!" That or one with her picture on it!

Halloween Costumes

Have you ever told someone something about them that you meant to be constructive criticism, then it came back to haunt you? I guess that's what you could call what I did. Every Easter, I have Takyra's picture taken in her dress and I have noticed that pastels just don't go well with her dark complexion. A couple of months ago I was shopping for clothes for Takyra and she had picked out something pastel pink. I told her that pink was not her color.
Two weeks ago, I took Takyra to the fabric store to pick out the fabric for her Christmas dress. We also looked for ideas for Halloween. I tried to talk her into being Stephanie from "Lazytown" on Nickelodean. She thought the idea was good for a second, then it came back at me. Stephanie is dressed head to toe in PINK!!! "Mom, you said pink wasn't my color!" So, she nixed the idea of being Stephanie.
She looked through all the pattern books and found many different ideas. Hippies, fairies, pirates,etc. After declining all her choices due to my not wanting to make each of those outfits, she found a page and was so excited. I looked to find it was a camouflage outfit. "Mom please can you make this?" Why spend money on an outfit the Army gave me free, yet at the cost of America's tax money? I told her she could wear my Army BDU's. Quick, simple, and no make-up required to make her itch all night long. Even the boots are a close enough fit for her monster feet.
So here is my little soldier. She looks cute in the outfit, but I told her not to get too comfortable in it. The only battle she ever needs to see is that of kids scrambling to get candy out of a pinata, or running to get the last seat in musical chairs.

Colors of Fall

There are beautiful colors of fall all around our neighborhood. Our Maple tree had turned gorgeous shades of red and orange. I had been wanting to take a picture of it and never got around to doing so. Mom got a picture of just the tree with all the leaves on it. By the time I got around to taking a picture with me and Takyra it had all of ten leaves on it. So here is the picture of my beautiful daughter with her okay mom. I love this one.

Autumn Days

Last year, Takyra jumped in a pile of leaves and got slugged. We have slugs all over the yard. This year, she helped Mema and Papa rake leaves, and when they told her to jump in them she remembered last year's events. No way was she jumping. So, Mema went and got a sheet to put over the leaves so Takyra could enjoy the fun of jumping in leaves without the slugs. She jumped, then decided it made a much better bed. She laid down in the sheet covered pile and Boomer decided he too liked the idea, so he joined her. Now the leaves have been turned into stuffing for the big pumpkin trashbag that decorates our lawn.
Happy Autumn!

I'm starting a blog!!!

Well what do you know. My sister is actually good for something. She can get me set up with a blog. I'm guessing my life was missing something before now that I must have a blog to keep me up on my internet fashion and know-how. I guess this will be a good thing. I've always wanted to write a children's book, but since I never seem to come up with anything clever for a book I might as well just put my wasted thoughts into something like this. LOL Who knows, maybe after typing a million pages over the years, I can one day print all my entries and title it for a book. My brain is actually already storming ideas for future entries of life through my eyes and my daughters...and a few other people I know. I hope whoever reads this is blessed and maybe sometimes inspired.